‘Round about this time of year, you see them. Some guy proposes to his girlfriend on the Jumbotron at a ball game, hires a billboard, or a skywriter, or projects “Will you marry me?” on the moon with lasers. This individual asks us all to join him in his grand gesture, supposedly to show what lengths he will go to in order to make his intended happy.
If she is won over by this lavish display, the resulting wedding will no doubt contain more flourishes and flounces than the most decadent Las Vegas stage show. Fast forward a few years, and this same couple is filing for divorce. What happened? How could their life together have failed so soon when it had such a spectacular beginning? Well, I’m not a marriage counselor; I don’t even play one on TV, but I do have a failed marriage in my past so let me give you my two pennies.
Marriage, like so many good and noble enterprises, can fall victim to the grand gesture at the expense of the many small, daily, even hourly tasks that lead to real success. It is in the constant, humble service of the other, putting the other before you in all things, even the most miniscule, mundane details of daily life, that contributes to the growth of love and harmony. The grand gesture is at its base, a lazy, cheap, and ultimately self-centered way of trying to win the goodwill of the other. It really says more about me than about how I really feel about the other. The real proof of my feeling is in what I do for them, day in, day out, seen or unseen. Ask a mother what is her most important duty, and she will respond without a moment’s hesitation that it is raising her children to be sane, well rounded, and successful members of society, one day at a time.
But we can extrapolate this idea further to our lives outside the home and to our professions: When we mow our lawns, we not only make the house look neat and tidy, but we improve the view for our neighbors thus enhancing their environment as well as our own. It is a small, unglamorous task, but one with an effect beyond proportion to those around us. Maybe we have gone on a mission trip to save sick and starving children in Africa. Do we ever stop to think that there are sick and starving people in our own town? Our own neighborhood? Maybe in our own home?
When we go to our jobs, do we take the time to make sure our work is complete and well executed so that our coworkers will not have more work due to our negligence, no matter how trivial? Do those in leadership of companies and organizations spend their time trying to make splashy headlines and having the “best” people associated with their organizations, or do they concentrate on delivering the best possible product or service to their constituents/customers?
You see my point. It is not the grand gesture that proves lasting, it is the small, daily, often menial work, done out of the spotlight and rarely seen by anyone but God, that contributes to health of relationships, families, neighborhoods…even the whole world. There is an old saying that “charity begins at home.” The meaning is simple: learn to renounce yourself in favor of the other who, very often, is standing right next to you.
