Back to School

When we were kids, most of us used to dread this time of year. I remember well, it was the late summer of ’75. Steve, Cheese, and I were sitting around bemoaning the impending return to school. We had recently seen that summer’s blockbuster, Jaws. I think it was Steve who said, “It’s just like when Quint slips down the deck into the shark’s mouth. School’s coming and there’s nothing you can do about it. It just sucks you in and bites you in half!”

Mighty grim assessment of school huh? And we had no particular reason to dread the start of school either. We were all reasonably good students, involved in sports and other activities, had lots of friends; it was really the loss of freedom that bugged us. For three months we were free to do what we wanted, stay up late, goof off…then for the next nine months, we’d be slaves to the daily routine of going to school, going to practice, doing homework, book reports, taking tests, and on and on.

Ya see, this is why kids are stupid. They don’t know how good they’ve got it. When I graduated from college, that’s when the real slavery kicked in. Like most kids I knew, I worked part-time jobs ever since I could push a broom, but this was different. This was every day, every month, and every year…for the rest of my life. This meant taking care of all those things that my parents used to do almost entirely unseen by my oblivious, ungrateful eyes. Paying the rent (or mortgage), car payment, insurance, utilities, grocery bill, doing laundry, fixing the gutters, paying for my ungrateful little ass to go to private school!

As time went by, I noticed a major shift in my appreciation of the seasons. When I was a kid, I looked forward with uncontainable glee to the last day of school. Now, when June rolls around I sneer at all the kids running around with nothing to do but play, go to camp, take vacations, and goof off all summer. Ah, but when August comes, and I see that familiar sullen resignation in their innocent little eyes, I cackle maniacally with schadenfreude!

Being an adult, doing stuff adults have to do, leaves precious little time for goofing off. Working for a living meant that for the rest of my life I’d have a couple weeks off each year with an occasional holiday and that’s it. In fact, for almost eight years when I owned my own business, I didn’t have a single vacation. Oh yeah, I had to work on holidays too. I remember one cold Christmas eve spent shivering in the basement of some half-framed mansion up in Glencoe, trying to measure in the dark, and wondering why the hell I was there.

So now when August comes, I look at the children—they’re our future don’t ya know—and smile. Enjoy it now kiddies, ‘cuz the future’s going to come up on you so fast it’ll make your little heads spin. And before you join all of us drudges in the working world, give your parents a break. Tell ‘em thanks once in a while huh?

And get off my lawn!