Welcome to the 21st Century

<sigh> Well, I guess I’ll have to turn in my Junior Luddites of America membership card. Yesterday I took delivery of an…an…I can’t say it.

[What? You’ll do what? You can’t be serious?? Where did you get the authority to…Okay, okay, I’ll say it…Damn you!]

Yesterday I took delivery of an iPhone. But I want you to know that I am being coerced into the following remarks by the unspeakable terror that is the Apple Marketing Department. I had no idea they had this much power. And to think I was worried about Barack Obama!

[What are you gonna do with that rubber hose?? Okay, fine. Give me the damn script! <paper rustling sounds>]

This product is superior in every way to every other wireless device currently or ever available, with the exception of the iPhone 5. It is the single most revolutionary piece of technology to be conceived by the mind of man. It has changed the life of mankind for the better. It will now change mine. I now realize that only fools and monkeys use a Blackberry. All hail Steve Jobs and long live his beneficent rule over us all.

[Aw c’mon, you’ve got to be kidding! I mean, the guy’s dead for cryin’ out loud…<rubber hose applied to side of head sounds>]

Owww!

I honestly don’t know what could have made me so blind for so long. But now I’ve seen the light! I am finally free to…ignore everyone around me, <alarmed scuffling sounds> hand over gobs of money to the evil minions who work in the app store, while my brain devolves to a single, neural synapse whose soul function is to release dopamine into my system whenever I upgrade to the latest version because it has slightly bluer blues and goes “bing” in 200 languages!

Arrrrggggghhh! <dragging sounds>