I tell ya I don’t get no esteem, no esteem at all.
I submitted my new book to an agent. After three weeks he calls me back to tell me he can’t sell it.
I ask, “Why?” and he says, “Nobody wants a book from a drinker with a writing problem.”
[ba-dum-dum]
I tell ya it’s rough. I went to the doctor yesterday for tests. Today he calls me and says, “Rob, I’ve got bad news: we found traces of blood in your alcohol system.”
It’s okay though, cuz my best friend told me that when I die, there’ll be at least 1000 people at my funeral. I said, “Well, that’s a comfort at least.”
He said, “Yeah, they’ll come to make sure your dead!”
Thank you, thank you. You’ve all been swell: both of you.
Hey I’m here all week. Try the veal and don’t forget to tip your waitress!
Listen you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. Drive carefully and Go Lions!
[Special thanks to my joke-writer, Big Doug]
