Is there anyone alive who hasn’t gotten one of these 419 emails yet? I didn’t think so. Just like bad sci-fi movies, they are enjoyable on so many levels: preposterous premise, bad sentence construction, bad use of tenses, hilarious Engrish, and downright cheekiness. Sadly, there are enough stupid and/or greedy people in this world to encourage these felons. Although, after you read a few of their emails, you’ve gotta wonder just how stupid and greedy you’d have to be to fall for ’em. On second thought, best not to think about it too much, it’s too depressing.
Here is one that I enjoyed immensely:
MALAYSIA MINISTRY OF FINANCE
{ FOREIGN CONTRACT PAYMENT BUREAU }
62592 Putrajaya , Malaysia .
[Looks like a lovely place! Here are two typical Putrajayans enjoying the scenery.]
EMAIL:infohenryoben@yahoo.cn
[Hmmm…the Malaysian Ministry of Finance doesn’t have it’s own domain? Just a yahoo address in China? Oh well, sounds completely legit.]
RE: URGENT BUSINESS OFFER
{ STRICTLY CONFIDENTIALS PLZ }
[Plural adjectives. Huh. Didn’t know you could do that.]
I know you will be surprised and skeptical to receive strange e mail message from a strange personality. [Just how strange are you?] My name is Mr. HENRY OBEN, director in charge of sub-contract approvals and payment at Malaysian Ministry of finance. [Uh huh.]
I got your e mail address in the course of my diligent search of internet links containing reputable foreign e mail addresses, with the help of a computerized software. [Only one software? Next time try a dozen. You’ll get better results!]
I have an offer that might interest you which will culminate your financial status perpetually. [I love the use of “culminate” and “perpetually” together. So my financial status will come to an end over and over indefinitely? Damn this guy’s brilliant!] they have [???] This offer arose from the Federal Government of malaysia reserve vault under my care, from which we pay both Indigenous and foreign contractors their executed contract and Sub contract Payments. [Henry seems confused about the use of capitalization. But hey, if he has the care of the federal reserve vault, I definitely want to hear more.] I have deliberately but legitimately over-invoiced the total sum of US$20,000,000.00 (Twenty, million United States dollars only), [Only!] which I am offering you to stand as the legitimate Sub-contractor {beneficiary} to this stated amount, which will also be shared between you and I, in 50%-50% disbursement ratio. [I see, so you “legitimately” embezzled the money and want me, a total stranger, to split it with you, thus becoming an accomplice to your crime…Tell me more!]
I am offering you this Deal because I guess and trust you must be a serious and faithful partner, as trust is the cornerstone of every successful Partnership. [Oh indeed it is my anonymous internet friend! Why, I trust you implicitly!]
The only thing needed for this US$ 20 million to be swiftly wired into your account, [I thought we were splitting it Henry? Still, that’s very generous of you! Thank you!] Via payment by Telegraphic Bank to Bank wire transfer under 72 Banking hours,is how swift and committed you will be in standing as the bonafide sub contractor to this amount of $20 million and a bank account that will be used in accommodating this fund, which we shall legally accredited / normalize at the Federal High Court of Justice here in Malaysia as a diplomatic account, for accommodation of your Legitimately acquired DIPLOMATIC SUB-CONTRACT payment, in accordance with the Malaysian Government’s Financial act, as amended by fund-in-transit act of 1998. [Whoa! Take a breath dude. It’s clear you’re still confused about capitalization…and tense, and grammar…but have you ever heard of a period Hank?…I don’t even know where to begin diagramming that sentence.]
Already all modalities [Oooh modalities! I love modalities!] are in place to register this fund transfer as a diplomatic Sub contract compensation, and be adequately informed that this is not a direct contract payment, But a diplomatic Sub contract payment, you will stand as a sub-contractor to the original contractors who have already been paid last week. [I see. Well, that makes perfect sense.]
Therefore, there will be no much [“no much?” Must be a typo. I mean the rest of the letter is so well written, what else could it be?] bureaucratic protocols, other than the little bureaucracy to be carried out at the federal high Court of Malaysia, where your yet to nominate banking details shall be normalized and attested as a diplomatic account, which shields it from unnecessary stop orders from several international fund transfer regulatory and monitoring agencies, that usually place holds on huge fund transfer in order to request a certain percentage of the fund as fund transfer certification clearance. [Now Henry, what did I say about periods? Settle down there big fella.]
Please note that if you desire to accomplish this transaction with me, just reach me immediately, furnishing me with your updated personal information. Be assured that this transaction will take us just few days to be consummated, provided you are committed to work with me.
[Oh by all means! What could possibly go wrong? I can’t lose!]
Sincere wishes and Best regards
MR.HENRY OBEN
Foreign Contract Payment Bureau. {Director}
Malaysian Ministry Of Finance.
{ STRICTLY CONFIDENTIALS PLZ }
