~Zaphod Beeblebrox
Speaking of pilgrimages, apparently the type of people who wear porkpie hats, drink artisinal beer, and only listen to obscure music exclusively on vinyl or reel-to-reel, have made the Portland International Airport (PDX) somewhat of a hipster mecca…in an ironic way of course.
Why?
Because the northwest corner of the US is home to high-tech, free-thinkers, and the world’s largest private bookstore with Portland as its epicenter?
Um, no.
It’s because of the carpet. Verily, I doth shit thee nary a whit.
For many and complicated reasons which I find too boring to elaborate here, the pattern on the carpet—which represents the airport’s runway configuration—has become some sort of bat-signal to these people, who in their charmingly demented way, have made arriving at PDX a kind of cultural happening.
A whole fashion culture has grown up around representations of the carpet’s unique pattern, not least of which are special editions of local sports apparel giant Nike’s shoes. There are some in this crowd who have gone so far as to get tattoos of the PDX pattern!
That’s right, some fangirl with ironically mismatched Chuck Taylors is traipsing around Powell’s City of Books, a tattered copy of Twilight of the Superheroes in her bag, and runways burned onto her back.
Oh, these kids!
Well, all is not well in Portlandia. It seems the airport wants to redecorate which means the old, natty rug’s gotta go and the hipsterazzi aren’t having it! Ironically of course. What’s even worse is the new carpet’s design is a lame derivation of the old, which is totes unhip!
May I propose a solution?
All you disaffected carpet aficionados out there: for a small fee—ya know, just the change in your pocket, or a Volcano from the Hot Box—you can come to my house and take all the ironic pictures you want with my carpet!
Here, I’ll get the ball rolling:
Hmmm…
Ya know? Even for a van down by the river, I think it’s time to replace this stuff!
