Election Special

Warm rocks and crickets for all!
Warm rocks and crickets for all!

Welp, here we go: the home stretch.

I’ve avoided politics here, and for good reason, but this year’s presidential election is unprecedented in its crapulence. Therefore, let me leave you with this bit of insightful political analysis by one of my favorite authors, the late Douglas Adams.

In So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish, a giant robot lands on earth and asks to be taken “to your lizard.” When Arthur Dent questions his friend Ford Prefect about this strange request, Ford explains that the robot comes from an ancient democracy.

“You mean it comes from a world of lizards?”

“No, nothing so simple. Nothing like so straightforward. On its world, the people are people. The leaders are lizards. The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people.”

“Odd,” said Arthur, “I thought you said it was a democracy.”

“I did,” said Ford. “It is.”

“So,” said Arthur hoping he wasn’t sounding ridiculously obtuse, “why don’t the people get rid of the lizards?”

“It honestly doesn’t occur to them,” said Ford. “They’ve all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they’ve voted in more or less approximates to the government they want.”

“You mean they actually vote for the lizards?”

“Oh yes,” said Ford with a shrug. “of course.”

“But,” said Arthur, going for the big one again, “why?”

“Because if they didn’t vote for a lizard,” said Ford, “the wrong lizard might get in. Got any gin?”

Yep. That pretty much sums where we’re at.

In the words of John “Bluto” Blutarsky, “My advice to you, is to start drinking heavily.”

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