Football Wrap-up

deflated_footballJust some thoughts about the past weekend buzzing around in my head. At least the ones that didn’t get stuck in all the cobwebs:

1. Roger “Don Fanucci” Goodell clearly sold the NFL to the devil. While the rest of the country is dealing with all this damn global warming, it’s 50 degrees in New Jersey. Just sayin’. Things that make you go “hmmm…”

2. Every year the Superbowl ads get worse. I chuckled at the Doberhuahua, but that’d be about it. Oh, and I did go “awww” at the Budweiser Clydesdale ad.

3. Every year the Superbowl half-time show gets more incomprehensible. Just more light-effects, fireworks, and musical acts I’ve never heard of. You kids get off my lawn!

4. Cheers to Queen Latifah for her rendition of America the Beautiful. Jeers to Renee Flemming for yodeling all over the National Anthem. It’s not just pop-stars who try to make it all about them.

5. Thank you Terry McAulay and crew for not getting in the way.

6. How ya gonna be 6′ 5″ and not be able to throw over a defensive lineman?? Peyton had more batted balls than an afternoon at Wimbledon! Geez. Even Cooper’s gonna start making fun of him now! It’s time to retire old man. At least you’ve already got a Buick.

7. And while I’m on the topic, how did the Broncos manage to get through the season when they come out that flat and discombobulated in their biggest game? The Bears with Sexy Rexy Grossman at the helm looked better.

8. So do the folks in Seattle celebrate by brewing up double lattes, eating organically sustainable scones, and listening to some alternative grunge? Hippies.

9. For the love of God Spartans! Ditch those hideous “bronze” unis! They just call attention to your lousy effort in the Garden on national TV. In other news, Go Hoosiers!

10. Pitchers and catchers report in 10 days. September can’t come soon enough!

Howz by You?

snowfanIts earlobe-shatteringly cold here. We’ve reached our high today of -4. But that’s not important right now, because this weekend is the Big Game!

In a display of greed so colossal that the solar system itself can barely contain it, Roger “Don Fanucci” Goodell granted the Big Game to New Jersey.

Yeah, there’s all that sweet, sweet east-coast TV money, and it’s the hub of world media which is so important in getting the kickball-loving Europeans to embrace the NFL, but it’s also really frickin’ cold! The last I looked, MetLife Stadium is an outdoor arena.

Now, in fairness, the forecast isn’t that horrible…yet. But the secondary market for tickets is already running about a grand less per ticket than last year.

The only people who will enjoy this game are the bigshot, celebs in MetLife luxury suites, and you and me who have the good sense to stay home and watch on TV.

Which, when you think about it, is exactly what Don Fanucci wants anyway!


Aw Nuts!

Who will be B1G Champions? Here’s some simple math:

Legends > Leaders (Next year we’ll be in the same happy family)
Sparty > Brutus (Who thought a buckeye would make a good mascot??)
Red Cedar > Olentangy (The Ol’ Red Cedar is a nicer shade of brown)
Lansing > Columbus (And that ain’t sayin’ much believe me. E.L. is much nicer!)

Lastly, as much as it pains me to say it—and the pain is excruciating—they’ve got one of the best bands in the country.

Spartan Marching Band > or = OSUMB

At least they can spell…

In the interest of equal time, here’s the SMB Drumline with “The Series.”

Continue reading “Aw Nuts!”

University of Minnesota

From the Land of Sky Blue Waters,
From the land of pines’, lofty balsams,
Comes the beer refreshing,
Hamm’s the beer refreshing…Hamms!

No that’s not right. Lemme see…

Oh yeah

The bane of greens-keepers everywhere, those pesky Golden Gophers burrow into Spartan Stadium tomorrow. Luckily Max and the boys have set some traps!

Bonus video below!

Continue reading “University of Minnesota”

Northwestern University

charlton_heston_as_mosesNestled on the western shore of Lake Michigan, just north of Chicago, is a picturesque little campus covered in purple.

There’s a famous old NU joke that goes something like this:

MSU Student: “We’re gonna beat the crap out of you in football Saturday!”

NU Student: “Oh yeah? Well you may beat us on Saturday, but you’ll be washing my Bentley after we graduate!

Hey, when you can claim Moses as an alum, you must have something goin’ on!

The Spartans visit the snake-bit ‘Cats this Saturday. Here’s hoping there’s no divine intervention on their behalf!

Continue reading “Northwestern University”

University of Nebraska

Number 12 of the soon to be 14-strong Big 10. Next year the B1G adds Rutgers and Maryland. Since the B1G can’t compete with the SEC in football, they’re plan is to smother them by sucking up all that sweet, sweet east-coast TV money.

Man, college sports are whack!

Anyhoo, Nebraska is home to the Cornhuskers, and one of the doofiest mascots in the B1G. By all accounts though, UN fans are some of the nicest in the land. They’re just so damn polite out in the corn-belt!

Crush the Huskers! Go Green!