Happy Three Dozen Day!

12/12/12. Enjoy it while it lasts because it won’t happen again for another hundred years. It was only eleven years ago that nerds worldwide celebrated Binary Day (01/01/01), snickering at the rest of the population over their little inside joke, toasting each other with Diet Mountain Dew, and quoting Klingon proverbs to each other. Will today achieve the same notoriety? Some people will notice and others will not. And why should they? It’s just another day, no?

If you listen to the sensationalist media, the Mayans have predicted that we won’t make it past Christmas! As I heard someone humorously explain, the Mayans left another less well-known message, “Sorry about not finishing the calendar, but we’re a little tied up right now with these Spanish jerks!”

Jesus told us that only the Father knows the date and time of the end of the world. He taught us that we would do better to concern ourselves only with today, “which has troubles enough of its own.”¹ In fact, for many people across the planet, 12/12/12 is the end of the world as they know it. Some will die today. Some will be involved in accidents or be diagnosed with diseases that irrevocably change their lives. Or these things will happen to a loved one. The point is, we are never promised a tomorrow.

A great saint once said that the past and the future are just other forms of self. The past consists of nothing but our memories, and the future consists only of our dreams. The only reality is now. You and I exist in the now of this very moment. Even as you read this, God is sustaining your life from nanosecond to nanosecond, always waiting to see if you will turn toward Him.

It is God’s mercy that creates us, sustains us through our days, however many there may be, and it is His mercy that will bring us to our heavenly home…if we will only respond to Him…today.

¹Matthew 6:34

Self Discovery

After a another stressful road-trip to Michigan, I came home to find that my water heater had given up the ghost. Well, it was in the process of dying. There it sat, in its dark little corner of the basement, seeping morosely, shedding little bits of rusty metal that used to be its insides—kinda disgusting when you think about it—staring at me accusingly.

No time for guilty recriminations, I hesitated not a trice! I sprang into action, zipped down to Lowe’s and purchased a new water heater. Note to the Lowe’s: What idiot decided it would be a good idea to put 125 lb. water heaters up on a shelf?? Steeled by grim purpose, I wrestled the behemoth into my car and brought it to its new home.

The old one was unceremoniously removed. Truth be told, I was a little angry at it for choosing to quit this life at the worst possible moment. After fussing and fuming over the arcana of plumbing fittings, I took a break to consider my position. The supply pipes are now too low and the gas pipe is too high. Time for a strategic retreat. Remind me some day to tell you the story of the Silver Sisyphus.

Glass of scotch in hand, I plopped down wearily on the couch to plan my next move. You’ll never guess what happened. As I sat there brooding over the prospect of a cold shower, I made a very interesting and valuable discovery:

I much prefer drinking scotch to installing water heaters.

Huh. Imagine that.

Preach it Brother!

I enjoy getting paid for my writing. I enjoy finishing my writing. I enjoy reading my writing, but I don’t think I enjoy writing my writing.

~Murray Slaughter, Head News Writer, WJM TV
The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Crass Commercial Announcement

‘Tis the season, as they say. For those of you who, like me, are scared to death of stores this time of year, and prefer to shop online, please consider doing it through the Chewing Glass General Store huh? It’s conveniently located at the top right of the page over there, and is open 24-7.

Your patronage will keep this starving author from shivering in the cold, in a van, down by the river. M’k? Thanks!

CWA’s 2012 Book of the Year Award Winners

From the CWA press release:

Three debut authors and a veteran author with 15 non-fiction titles under his belt are the winners of the Chicago Writers Association’s 2nd Annual Book of the Year Awards. The awards will be presented at 7 p.m. Jan. 19 at The Book Cellar, 4736-38 Lincoln Ave., in Chicago’s Lincoln Square. The event is free and open to the public.

The winning books are “The Temple of Air” by Patricia Ann McNair, “Coming Out Can Be Murder” by Renee James, “Whiskey Breakfast: My Swedish Family, My American Life” by Richard C. Lindberg, and “Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back” by Kelly Farley.

The finalist judges were last year’s winning authors – Christine Sneed (“Portraits of a Few of the People I’ve Made Cry”), James Finn Garner (“Honk Honk, My Darling”), Pamela Ferdinand (“Three Wishes”) and Krista August (“Giants in the Park”).

“These are all outstanding, truly deserving works,” said Randy Richardson, CWA President. “I commend all of the winners, and, indeed all of the nine finalists. These awards show what amazing writing talent we have here in Chicago. The judges did not have an easy job at all. They had to make some very tough choices between an extremely competitive field of finalists. I am so thankful for the work that the judges put into this.”

Garner, author of the New York Times Best-Selling “Politically Correct Bedtime Stories,” who judged the traditionally published fiction category, which featured McNair’s short story collection and two novels, Libby Fischer Hellman’s “A Bitter Veil” and Karen Doornebos’ “Definitely Not Mr. Darcy,” said all three books were “satisfying reads in different ways.” Comparing McNair’s collection of 10 stories about one town with Sherwood Anderson’s classic “Winesburg, Ohio,” Garner said the book won him over with its “blunt, unsentimental, touching stories.”

Similarly, Sneed found it to be a tough call. Last year’s winner in the traditionally published fiction category, Sneed said that both finalists in the non-traditionally published fiction category, James’ “Coming Out Can Be Murder” and Linda Lamberson’s “Borrowed Heart”, are “works of impressive imagination and ambition.”  But it was the voice of transsexual Bobbi Logan that she couldn’t get out of her head. “’Coming Out Can Be Murder’ is a memorable and strong debut novel,” Sneed said.  “In addition to being a thriller set in a vibrant contemporary setting, it is a moving story about sexual identity, loss, and friendship.”

In the traditionally published non-fiction category, last year’s winner, Ferdinand, chose Lindberg’s “Whiskey Breakfast” over Robert Rodi’s travel memoir, “Seven Seasons in Siena,” for its “unusual personal candidness, its historical depth, and its important contribution to the compendium of Chicago literature.”

The non-traditionally published non-fiction category pitted two books that couldn’t be more different against each other, said finalist judge August. Reading Farley’s “Grieving Dads” and Sandi Adams’ “Belly Button Bible Study” together was “highly ironic,” August noted. “To go from one, to the other, and then back again was a bit eerie.” While she enjoyed both, she selected Farley’s book “for transforming his own personal tragedies into something positive and larger than his own world.”

The awards, divided into four categories (traditionally and non-traditionally published fiction and non-fiction), were open to books published between July 1, 2011 and June 30, 2012 and authored by Chicago area authors or CWA members. (Non-traditional is defined as self- and print-on-demand published.)

 

Let’s All Take a Deep Breath

It’s a constant source of fascination to me to see what people get steamed up about. Just in time for the holidays, the outrage du jour is the Pope “cancelled” Christmas.

There are some folks out in the wilds of the internet who are all bummed out that Pope Benedict XVI, who you’ll remember was a college professor, tried to shed some light on the birth of Jesus Christ. Very timely idea, no?

His new book, Jesus of Nazareth – The Infancy Narratives (available here), looks at the gospel accounts of the Savior’s birth, and separates what we know, based on those accounts, from what tradition has handed down to us. Such as the fact that Jesus was probably born in a cave and there might not have been animals around. The Boo-hooing, Biddies of Blogdom accuse the Pope of trashing the traditional Christmas crèche! And they go on to complain that he dumped all over the practice of caroling, and so on.

Put down the mouse, and back away. Take a breath. Better?

Continue reading “Let’s All Take a Deep Breath”

Aw, for Cryin’ Out Loud!

Another noted American dictator

Seems that some fat-headed, meatball, football fans in Texas are sick of the Cowboys losing, so they’ve started a petition to get the executive branch of the federal government to step in and remove Jerry Jones, the Cowboys owner, president, general manager, and night janitor.

I almost don’t know where to begin. There’s the basic lunacy of the idea, there’s the unhinged, sports fan angle, there’s the obvious, willful ignorance of how our republican form of democracy works, there’s the whole property rights issue I could address—can you say Lenin?—but I think this quote from the petition says it all:

We, the Citizens of the Great State of Texas, and Dallas Cowboys fans worldwide, have been oppressed by an over-controlling, delusional, oppressive dictator for way too long.

Hmmm…then they go on to request the removal of Jerry Jones because:

His incompetence and ego have not only been an extreme disappointment for way too long, but moreover, it has caused extreme mental and emotional duress.

Of course, this is probably a joke. So far, about 500 people have signed the petition. But with a tiny alteration, say substituting Jerry Jones’ name for the name of the guy the petition is addressed to, I’d sign it!