Welcome to the 21st Century

<sigh> Well, I guess I’ll have to turn in my Junior Luddites of America membership card. Yesterday I took delivery of an…an…I can’t say it.

[What? You’ll do what? You can’t be serious?? Where did you get the authority to…Okay, okay, I’ll say it…Damn you!]

Yesterday I took delivery of an iPhone. But I want you to know that I am being coerced into the following remarks by the unspeakable terror that is the Apple Marketing Department. I had no idea they had this much power. And to think I was worried about Barack Obama!

[What are you gonna do with that rubber hose?? Okay, fine. Give me the damn script! <paper rustling sounds>]

This product is superior in every way to every other wireless device currently or ever available, with the exception of the iPhone 5. It is the single most revolutionary piece of technology to be conceived by the mind of man. It has changed the life of mankind for the better. It will now change mine. I now realize that only fools and monkeys use a Blackberry. All hail Steve Jobs and long live his beneficent rule over us all.

[Aw c’mon, you’ve got to be kidding! I mean, the guy’s dead for cryin’ out loud…<rubber hose applied to side of head sounds>]

Owww!

I honestly don’t know what could have made me so blind for so long. But now I’ve seen the light! I am finally free to…ignore everyone around me, <alarmed scuffling sounds> hand over gobs of money to the evil minions who work in the app store, while my brain devolves to a single, neural synapse whose soul function is to release dopamine into my system whenever I upgrade to the latest version because it has slightly bluer blues and goes “bing” in 200 languages!

Arrrrggggghhh! <dragging sounds>

A Mind is a Terrible Thing…

…to um, uh, what was I going to say?

Oh yeah! Lose. A mind is a terrible thing to lose. I guess one of life’s little jokes is that as we get older we experience momentary lapses in memory and/or concentration. They older you get, the goofier the results. I have certainly been reminded of my mortality of late, to wit, the following recent episodes of my encroaching senility.

Episode 1, in which we see our hero shuffling into the bathroom of a morning to perform his daily ablutions. Take meds, check. Grab toothpaste, check. Root around in the drawer for the razor, check. Apply toothpaste to razor and…Well, I almost shaved my teeth, but I realized my error just in the nick of time and brushed my face instead. Still recovering from all the cuts.

Episode 2, in which our intrepid moron, saunters over to the microwave to warm his tepid cup of coffee. Open door, insert coffee mug, close door, and wait. After staring at the machine for the requisite 50 seconds like the RCA dog listening to his master’s voice, head tilted endearingly to one side, our moron opens the door and retrieves his coffee. He takes a tentative sip. “Hmmm…seems a bit cool. This microwave must be acting up. Oh well, I’ll take a look at it later.”

Ahem. I think you need to turn the microwave ON for it to work, Dimwit!

Oh, I could go on, but there’s a limit to how much humiliation I can take before noon. Now where the hell are my glasses??

Heh, they were on my head the whole time…heh…<sigh>

Comes the Dawn

Ok, I gotta be straight with you, I’m pretty depressed about Tuesday. The leaden ball in the pit of my gut feels much worse than the one from October 20th…or 10/29, 10/13, 9/29, and 9/15 all rolled into one for that matter. Why? Because this matters and those other things don’t. I know many of you feel the same way.

Nevertheless…

The year ‘s at the spring,
And day ‘s at the morn ;
Morning’s at seven;
The hill-side ‘s dew-pearled ;
The lark ‘s on the wing ;
The snail ‘s on the thorn ;
God ‘s in His heaven
All ‘s right with the world !

~ from Pippa’s Passes, Robert Browning, 1841

It depends on how you look at life doesn’t it? So, when fear and anxiety crowd your soul, take heart, because

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
your justice like the great deep.
You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.

~PS 36:5-10 NIV

3rd Annual HOF Induction

Join the Chicago Literary Hall of Fame on Friday, November 30, as our invited guest at our 3rd Annual Induction Ceremony hosted at the Chicago Cultural Center’s Claudia Cassidy Theater, 78 E. Washington St., Chicago. This event is free and open to the public. You will be treated to a night of socializing, quality entertainment, and lasting memories as you help us recognize the important contributions of the Hall of Fame’s third class of inductees:

  • Jane Addams (1860-1935)
  • Sherwood Anderson (1876-1941)
  • James T. Farrell (1904-1979)
  • Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
  • Langston Hughes (1902-1967)
  • Carolyn Rodgers (1940-2010)

At 7 p.m., the ceremony begins with Chicago journalist and radio legend Rick Kogan taking the stage to emcee the evening.

We are pleased to announce that those accepting the posthumous honors of their famous writer relatives are J. Linn Allen (Great-great-great Nephew of Jane Addams), David Spear (Great Grandson of Sherwood Anderson), Sean Hemingway (Grandson of Ernest Hemingway), Marjol Rush-Collet (Cousin of Langston Hughes), Kevin Farrell (Son of James T. Farrell), and Nina Rodgers Gordon (Sister of Carolyn Rodgers).

Presenting the honors will be Charles Fanning, Gioia Diliberto, Liesl Olson, Garrard McClendon, Angela Jackson and Scott Turow.

Attendees will be entertained with the performances by Katherine Joslin, Aaron Todd Douglas and Anthony Mockus.

To learn more about the host of this event, visit the Chicago Literary Hall of Fame’s website at www.chicagoliteraryhof.org.

 

Aftermath

These are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of men and women.

~ Thomas Paine, The Crisis, December 1776

 

A Palate Cleanser

No matter the outcome of the election, there will be a great deal of nail-biting, weeping, and general gnashing of teeth today. So in order to provide you with a diversion, I offer the following…