A Message from the President of the United States

Friends, and Fellow-Citizens: The period for a new election of a Citizen, to Administer the Executive government of the United States, being nor far distant, and the time actually arrived, when your thoughts must be employed in designating that person, who is to be cloathed [sic] with that important trust, it appears to me proper, especially as it may conduce to a more distinct expression of the public voice, that I should now apprise you of the resolution I have formed to decline being considered among the number of those, out of whom a choice is to be made.

I beg you, at the same time, to do me the justice to be assured that this resolution has not been taken without a strict regard to all the considerations appertaining to the relation which binds a dutiful citizen to his country; and that in withdrawing the tender of service, which silence in my situation might imply, I am influenced by no diminution of zeal for your future interest, no deficiency of grateful respect for your past kindness, but am supported by a full conviction that the step is compatible with both.

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Happy All Saints Day

After this I had a vision of a great multitude, which no one could count, from every nation, race, people, and tongue. They stood before the throne and before the Lamb, wearing white robes and holding palm branches in their hands. They cried out in a loud voice:

“Salvation comes from our God, who is seated on the throne and from the Lamb.”

All the angels stood around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures. The prostrated themselves before the throne and worshiped God, and exclaimed:

“Amen. Blessing and glory, wisdom and thanksgiving, honor, power, and might be to our God forever and ever. Amen.”

Then one of the elders spoke up and said to me, “Who are these wearing white robes, and where did they come from?” I said to him, “My lord, you are the one who knows.” He said to me, “These are the ones who have survived the time of great distress; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

For this reason they stand before God’s throne and worship him day and night in his temple; the one who sits on the throne will shelter them. They will not hunger or thirst anymore, nor will the sun or any heat strike them.

For the Lamb who is in the center of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to springs of life-giving water, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”¹

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Another Triumph of Marketing over Common Sense

I’m not talking about Apple…yet.

Instead, I’d like to introduce you to Rob’s Integrated Razor Blade Theorem, which states:

Let (M) be m-dimensional consumer utility with impulse radius imp(M). Let vol denote the volume form on M and let  X denote the volume of the standard m-dimensional utility. Then

vol(M) =  X (imp(M))

                     B    ,

with equality, if and only if, (M) is isometric to the m-sphere Sm with its usual round metric.

Or, in layman’s terms, the more utilitarian an object, the fewer ways there are to get you to buy it. The classic illustration of this theorem—which, if I may digress for a moment to boast, is now taught in all the best business schools—is the eponymous example as presented in my scholarly paper to the Nobel Prize committee.

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