Category: Humor

Football Wrap-up

deflated_footballJust some thoughts about the past weekend buzzing around in my head. At least the ones that didn’t get stuck in all the cobwebs:

1. Roger “Don Fanucci” Goodell clearly sold the NFL to the devil. While the rest of the country is dealing with all this damn global warming, it’s 50 degrees in New Jersey. Just sayin’. Things that make you go “hmmm…”

2. Every year the Superbowl ads get worse. I chuckled at the Doberhuahua, but that’d be about it. Oh, and I did go “awww” at the Budweiser Clydesdale ad.

3. Every year the Superbowl half-time show gets more incomprehensible. Just more light-effects, fireworks, and musical acts I’ve never heard of. You kids get off my lawn!

4. Cheers to Queen Latifah for her rendition of America the Beautiful. Jeers to Renee Flemming for yodeling all over the National Anthem. It’s not just pop-stars who try to make it all about them.

5. Thank you Terry McAulay and crew for not getting in the way.

6. How ya gonna be 6′ 5″ and not be able to throw over a defensive lineman?? Peyton had more batted balls than an afternoon at Wimbledon! Geez. Even Cooper’s gonna start making fun of him now! It’s time to retire old man. At least you’ve already got a Buick.

7. And while I’m on the topic, how did the Broncos manage to get through the season when they come out that flat and discombobulated in their biggest game? The Bears with Sexy Rexy Grossman at the helm looked better.

8. So do the folks in Seattle celebrate by brewing up double lattes, eating organically sustainable scones, and listening to some alternative grunge? Hippies.

9. For the love of God Spartans! Ditch those hideous “bronze” unis! They just call attention to your lousy effort in the Garden on national TV. In other news, Go Hoosiers!

10. Pitchers and catchers report in 10 days. September can’t come soon enough!

Brother Can You Spare A Dime?

american-hobos-hobo1Actually, can you make it a quarter? Inflation and all.

Apart from being cold—I’ve beat that horse to a bloody pulp already—this is also the time of the year when everybody has their hands out.

Taxes, insurance renewals, taxes, homeowners’ association, taxes, and so on.

My wallet’s gotten so light that I’m down to one package of ramen noodles a day, and only run the van’s motor for 20 minutes each night to stay warm!

To quote my old college roommate, “I’m po! So poor I can’t afford the o and the r.”

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Howz by You?

snowfanIts earlobe-shatteringly cold here. We’ve reached our high today of -4. But that’s not important right now, because this weekend is the Big Game!

In a display of greed so colossal that the solar system itself can barely contain it, Roger “Don Fanucci” Goodell granted the Big Game to New Jersey.

Yeah, there’s all that sweet, sweet east-coast TV money, and it’s the hub of world media which is so important in getting the kickball-loving Europeans to embrace the NFL, but it’s also really frickin’ cold! The last I looked, MetLife Stadium is an outdoor arena.

Now, in fairness, the forecast isn’t that horrible…yet. But the secondary market for tickets is already running about a grand less per ticket than last year.

The only people who will enjoy this game are the bigshot, celebs in MetLife luxury suites, and you and me who have the good sense to stay home and watch on TV.

Which, when you think about it, is exactly what Don Fanucci wants anyway!

Dammit!

Online Keno is Addictive!

seuratSince I was asked recently, none to subtly, what was up with the book, I thought I’d give you an update.

[BTW Jack, you weren’t the only person who’s asked me that recently.]

I really am pretty damn close to finished…with the first draft. *cough*

Look, it took Europe 22 years to start WWII after they finished the first one. I’ve got a lot of ground to cover so I’d appreciate it if you got up outta my grill about it, m’kay?

Seriously though.

Continue reading “Online Keno is Addictive!”