Tall Tale

honey badgerAuthor’s Note: Please excuse any typos in this post, I can inky only use six fingers.

So, there I was just the other day, sitting in my comfy chair re-reading War & Peace, looking for all the hidden Easter eggs—like ya do—when all of sudden, there came a loud crash from over my shoulder!

I sprang to my feet and spun around. There, not ten feet away, was an angry honey badger standing amidst shards of glass that had once been my window. He was clearly out for no good.

My first instinct was to run, but I knew that an enraged honey badger can outrun a cape buffalo over short distances. Being slightly heavier and marginally less fit than a cape buffalo, I decided to stand my ground.

Continue reading “Tall Tale”

Susan M. Williams, R.I.P.

susieFOB Jack, and his two children Rob and Katie, lost the love of their lives to cancer this past week.

I could spill galaxies of electrons here about how special Susie is, and how much she will be missed, but nothing I could say will do justice to her memory.

When all is said and done, her greatest legacy is the family she’s left behind: Two fine children and a gallant husband. I’m sure they would agree with me when I say, they are who they are because of her.

Godspeed Susie! Pray for us!

Tax Day Special

I wonder if I can claim my bookie as a dependent?

Ok, now that I have the mouse problem under control I can fill you in on why I’ve been AWOL for so long.

Uh, hmmm, uh…I guess I was so wrapped up in finishing A Bronze Wall, The Prophet of War, that all blog-related activities got squeezed out. Hey, my cranial capacity is quite small so I only have room for 2 things at a time. Everyone has limitations, ya know.

Anyhoo, it’s done! And it’s for sale! Check out the link on the sidebar. Also, work is already underway on my third book. Check Unlikelyarts.com In The Works page for more info.

And just to sweeten the deal, if you had to write a check to the U.S. Treasury this year, I want to help. I’m running a Tax Day Special from Friday April 15th to Monday April 18th where you can buy my book at a significant discount (If you got a refund this year, why not invest it back in the economy?).

But here’s the catch: This is a limited time, rolling discount offer. Just like taxes, it pays to start early. Friday the 15th, you can buy A Bronze Wall, The Prophet of War for only $0.99! But hurry, because each day it goes up $1.00 until it returns to regular price.

So shop early and often!

The taxman and my bookie thank you!

Mice! Mice Everywhere!

Ooops! You're home early! Bye!
Ooops! You’re home early! Bye!

Eeek! A mouse! Where did you come from?

Um, outside?

How’d you get in?

Seriously? I’m a mouse. I’m small.

Are you alone?

Well, let’s just say I know a lot of mice. Somebody’s bound to talk.

So there’s more of you inside my house?

Boy, you catch on quick! I can see why you’re the top of the evolutionary ladder.

Ya little smart-as…

Look, I just noticed that this place was empty, it looked cozy and warm so I moved in. Can you blame me?

I suppose not. But did you have to use my new manuscript for nesting material?

What? You weren’t using it. What’s the problem?

Never mind.

 

Way to Go Day-Day!

dayday
(Photo: Bob Donnan USA TODAY Sports)

A hearty congratulations to Draymond Green and his Warrior teammates on their NBA Championship!

When Draymond squeezed into his first Spartan jersey, there were many—me included—who were unsure if he’d amount to anything. He was chubby, looked slow and made his share of mistakes. His first nickname was “Dancing Bear.”

Well, it wasn’t long before SpartanNation learned how wrong we were.

When Day-Day graduated, there were hopes that he’d land somewhere in the pros. A lot of NBA scouts doubted his ability to stick in the league, but Draymond knew they were wrong. Very wrong:

I mean, that’s what they said…I won the national player-of-the-year award in college, consensus All-American. I made every, every single first-team All-American that you could possibly make, and I was a second-round pick, and a lot of people said I could never play in this league. Too slow, too small, can’t shoot well enough, can’t defend nobody. What does he do well? He doesn’t have a skill.

 

The secret to Day-Day is his huge heart:

I’ve got heart, and that’s what stands out. It was just one of those moments where it’s like I’ve always been doubted my entire life.

I would add his humility.

Say what? He’s the biggest trash-talker since Reggie Miller!

Ah, but don’t confuse humility with self-deprecation. True humility is knowing who and what you are, the good and the bad. No more, no less.

At 25 years old, Draymond Green knows himself pretty well.

Day-Day, you’re my hero!

Look What I Found!

The other day while I was cleaning my sock drawer, I found this dusty old blog. Thought I’d take it out and see if it still worked.

Well, first it needed a new battery—ya know, one of those little, round watch batteries that look like spare change? So I go to the store, and they have fifty different kinds all with teensy little letters that I can’t read, even with my glasses. So after squinting at a few, I bought one that seemed right. It’s working now but who knows for how long.

Anyhoo, how ya doin’?

Say, didya see Bruce—I ain’t gonna call him Caitlyn—Jenner’s cover-photo for Vanity Fair?

Was a magazine ever more appropriately titled?

!!Trigger Warning!! The following contains explicit anti-transgender views. A special room with soft couch and soothing, waterfall sounds has been provided for your safety.

See, it’s girls, boys. Sorry, there’s no such thing as “cis,” except in the imagination of radical LGBT activists.

[Moderator’s Note: Please indicate agreement with Jazz Hands, disagreement with Down-twinkles so as not to cause anxiety on the part of the blogger or other audience members.]

Call me a hater if you like (you’d be wrong), but it seems very few people are willing to speak about things like this for fear of being branded a homophobe. While there are many people who have same-sex attraction for many and complicated reasons, this is something else altogether.

It’s a narcissistic effort to invert nature for the purpose of saying, “Pay attention to me! Please!”

I’m sorry for the evident turbulence afflicting MISTER Jenner’s soul, but this is what happens when we toss off as irrelevant the natural law built into our species by God, preferring our own ideas about how things “should be.” And let’s be honest, do you know anyone, yourself included, that you’d trust running the universe?

Made in the image and likeness of God, whether we like it or not, there are some things that we just can’t change no matter how far or how fast we run from them. The great struggle of life is coming to know oneself and how we relate to our Creator.

We, as lumps of clay, cannot say to the potter, “Why have you made me thus?” It is a question springing from fear and distrust. A question that assumes God has no great interest in us, or what we will become; that when it comes right down to it, He doesn’t give a happy rat’s ass about us anyway.

But thank that same God who, despite our calumnies against Him, never rejects us. Even when we go off the deep end.

Seems like a good place to sign off. The b ttery is alm st dea