Category: Rants

Disorder du Jour

rotten cardsYou don’t know me but I’m one of millions who suffer from a chronic disorder called I.A.D.

We are all around you: we’re your friends, co-workers, neighbors, the kid who makes your latte in the morning. Until now, we’ve mostly kept in the shadows, especially when our symptoms flare up.

In some people I.A.D. is very obvious, while for others, it lies dormant waiting for the proper conditions to take over a individual’s system. Unfortunately, once it does, it can flare up more easily, especially during times of stress.

I.A.D. is unsightly, embarrassing, and for those with advanced forms of the disorder, uncontrollable.

But now, thanks to new research, I.A.D. sufferers can come out of the shadows! We are free to lead normal lives once again because, while there is no known cure as yet, research shows that the entire population of the world actually has the same disorder! While tragic, this is also very comforting!

To check your levels of I.A.D., take this simple diagnostic test:

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Happy Presidents’ Day!

john-adams…Since we can’t be bothered to celebrate Washington and Lincoln’s birthday separately. I mean, one is only the father of our country, and the other saved it from collapse, no big deal.

Had they lived in our time, I’m sure neither would win the Nobel Peace Prize either. Just sayin’.

Power always thinks… that it is doing God’s service when it is violating all his laws.

~ John Adams

 

Putting Out the Fire

fireextinguisherAs part of my plea-bargain, I am required to put out some of the fires I started yesterday.

I was gently rebuked by FOB Jack who commented on Rob the Arsonist by saying:

When I have a broken window on the front of my house, I don’t need everybody walking past to tell me I have a broken window. I need someone to walk up and hand me the business card for a good window guy.

Fair point.

I really meant that post as an exhortation, but as Jack rightly points out, I shouldn’t assume that just because somebody can acknowledge a problem, it doesn’t follow that they have the first idea of how to fix it.

So, here’s my stab at helping them out.

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Rob the Arsonist

lit_match_op_680x652Well, since I’m pitching Molotov Cocktails all over the place, one more can’t hurt can it?

So I’ve got Relevant Radio on in the background (Yeah, I listen to a lot of radio! If it weren’t for radio and my imaginary friends, I’d be a real loser!)

Anyhoo, this guy is on the air, talking to the host about a conversation he had with a visitor/acquaintance/protestant friend. Apparently he got drawn into an argument about the canon of scripture—I didn’t catch all the details—then he says he had always thought that “the Qur’an was essentially the same as the Old Testament of the Bible.”

???

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Football Wrap-up

deflated_footballJust some thoughts about the past weekend buzzing around in my head. At least the ones that didn’t get stuck in all the cobwebs:

1. Roger “Don Fanucci” Goodell clearly sold the NFL to the devil. While the rest of the country is dealing with all this damn global warming, it’s 50 degrees in New Jersey. Just sayin’. Things that make you go “hmmm…”

2. Every year the Superbowl ads get worse. I chuckled at the Doberhuahua, but that’d be about it. Oh, and I did go “awww” at the Budweiser Clydesdale ad.

3. Every year the Superbowl half-time show gets more incomprehensible. Just more light-effects, fireworks, and musical acts I’ve never heard of. You kids get off my lawn!

4. Cheers to Queen Latifah for her rendition of America the Beautiful. Jeers to Renee Flemming for yodeling all over the National Anthem. It’s not just pop-stars who try to make it all about them.

5. Thank you Terry McAulay and crew for not getting in the way.

6. How ya gonna be 6′ 5″ and not be able to throw over a defensive lineman?? Peyton had more batted balls than an afternoon at Wimbledon! Geez. Even Cooper’s gonna start making fun of him now! It’s time to retire old man. At least you’ve already got a Buick.

7. And while I’m on the topic, how did the Broncos manage to get through the season when they come out that flat and discombobulated in their biggest game? The Bears with Sexy Rexy Grossman at the helm looked better.

8. So do the folks in Seattle celebrate by brewing up double lattes, eating organically sustainable scones, and listening to some alternative grunge? Hippies.

9. For the love of God Spartans! Ditch those hideous “bronze” unis! They just call attention to your lousy effort in the Garden on national TV. In other news, Go Hoosiers!

10. Pitchers and catchers report in 10 days. September can’t come soon enough!

How the Mighty Have Fallen

This is what happens when a once proud country completely rejects its history and instead, leaves its interpretation to 20-sumthin’ Art majors. Egad!

united Britain

What the hell is that you ask?

That is one of the proposals for a new Union Jack! In case you were too caught up in the latest shuffling of American Idol judges to notice, Scotland is scheduled to hold a referendum on independence from Great Britain in the autumn of 2014.

Lemme don my art critic hat for a moment…there we are. Here is my first reaction…

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Professional Networkers

Let’s leave the evil that is Facebook alone for a minute to focus on another time-waster, LinkedIn.

I am astounded by the sheer volume of mail I get from LinkedIn on a daily basis. So many people spending inordinate amounts of time gilding their particular lilly, and shouting about it to the world at large.

uflinks“So-and-so has a new skill in the Application of Technology to Rodential Pet Marketing!”

That’s a skill?

“So-and-so has endorsed you for a new skill!”

Oh? What is that pray tell, and how do they know I’m good at it? Are there cameras in my office? I’ve got to get a thicker tinfoil hat!

“So-and-so is now Regional Vice President of Ratco Inc. Congratulate So-and-so on their new job!”

Weren’t they just named District Manager of Amalgamated Hamster last week?

“See what your connections are up to!”

From the look of it, their on LinkedIn 24×7 wasting company time looking for affirmation, new friends, a new job, or all of the above. Based on what I can see, LinkedIn is just Facebook in a pinstripe suit, and with half the inappropriate pictures and personal anecdotes.

I’m sure you’ll say that blogging about social media is at best ironic and at worst hypocritical. Hey! Wait a minute…Ironic Blogging. That’s a new skill!

See you later. I’ve gotta go update my profile!

Comic courtesy of userfriendly.org