Chewing Glass

Happy Birthday William Spooner! (belated)

Monday was the birthday of the Reverend William Spooner who would have been 169.

Why should you care?

Because the good Rev is the father of the term Spoonerisms, the accidental rearranging of word sounds resulting in unintentionally funny phrases.

A professor at Oxford, Spooner was notoriously absent-minded. A story is told of Spooner inviting a man to tea, “to welcome our new archaeology Fellow.”

Puzzled, the man replied, “But, sir, I am our new archaeology Fellow.”

“Never mind,” Spooner said, “Come all the same.”

My very favorite example of his malaprops:

For now we see through a dark, glassly…

Very glassly indeed!

h/t S.Weasel

Does His Highness Want His Ba-ba?

Bring me my tea! And a corgi! — Bring me tea! And a corgi!

George Alexander Louis of Cambridge.

Well, this bumps Prince Harry to fourth in line for the throne. He comes after after his new nephew, his big brother the Duke of Cambridge and his dad, Big Ears, the Prince of Wales respectively.

Prince Andrew, the Duke of York falls to a distant fifth. It’s all very complicated.

So who’s the Duke of Earl?

Every year it’s the same. As the fireworks subside from Independence Day celebrations, I begin to tingle with anticipation for the upcoming MLB All-Star game. What’s so exciting? Is it the thwack of a fine piece of ash connecting with the horsehide? 1-0 Pitching duels? Extra innings? Hot-dogs and beer?”

Hell no.

It’s the knowledge that baseball season is half over and that football camp is around the corner! Besides, what Chicagoan in his/her right mind is excited about baseball? I mean, we’re still milking that Blackhawks goat for a last few drops of vicarious pride until the dual abominations of Cubs and Sox pack it in for another season.

Well, today hope springs eternal because Da Bearsss report to camp, and the Big Ten (11, 12, 13, 14 and counting) Media Day opens.

In celebration of God’s Favorite Sport ™, let us turn to a topic that has been much discussed of late: Head Trauma.

Messing with Your Mind

Some great forced-perspective photos…

Some Wisdom from Friday & Gannon

h/t Ace

The Cairn

cairn (k??n) —n

1. a mound of stones erected as a memorial or marker

Where the restless waters recede,
I walk among stones long hidden.
Lapped by countless waves, their faces worn smooth,
Belying the fires that made them.

Search with me, select the best.
Help me to arrange them,
Fit them and make them stand,
Because I want to remember this spot at the end of the world.

Lay one stone upon the other,
Assemble them in proper order.
Knit them together,
As You’ve knit my life to Yours.

An Ounce of Prevention…

Here’s the scenario:

You’re an itinerant magician, trying to make a buck in this narcoleptic economy. You roam from place to place doing tricks, creating illusions, pulling the odd rabbit out of a hat, in the desperate hope you’ll put a smile on someone’s face and a few shekels in your pocket. Then, suddenly, catastrophe falls upon you.

An killer tornado—with sharks in it—bears down on the town where your performing. Simultaneously, a giant electromagnetic pulse is released from a nearby exploding star, all while a hitherto undiscovered pocket of white-hot “magma” churns beneath you in a hitherto undiscovered geologic fault, ready to blow you sky-high at any moment.

What will you do to save the rabbit?

What do you intend to do about this, eh?? — What do you intend to do about this??

Hey, it could happen. At least the government wants you to be prepared. That’s a good thing right?

As a taxpayer and an animal lover from way back, my only reaction is a double-facepalm with half-gainer.

Did I mention that the world is completely unhinged? Did I mentioned that our government is run by imbecilic Vogons?

Where are my pills?