Thoughts on writing, living, and believing…
Being a ne’re-do-well has its disadvantages, if I’m honest. Doomed as we are to live in a world devoid of rainbows and unicorms and government cheese, one is still forced to make a living somehow.
As a result, I have learned many creative ways to get paid for doing nothing. Afterall, I gots to keep myself in scotch and Sterno now that winter’s here!
So one day, while taking a break from collecting lint from my neighbors dryer vents—
As we do from time to time here at Chewing Glass, let me plug one of our regulars.
FOB Jack has a new gig with EWTN Radio as host of the Open Line Show, M-F on your local Catholic radio dial. Or if you prefer to get your media via the intertubes—and who dosen’t, amiright?—check out the link in the sidebar.
Open Line is a call-in show with lots of studio guests discussing a world of topics relevant to our times. Check it out!
I tell ya I don’t get no esteem, no esteem at all.
I submitted my new book to an agent. After three weeks he calls me back to tell me he can’t sell it.
I ask, “Why?” and he says, “Nobody wants a book from a drinker with a writing problem.”
[ba-dum-dum]
I tell ya it’s rough. I went to the doctor yesterday for tests. Today he calls me and says, “Rob, I’ve got bad news: we found traces of blood in your alcohol system.”
It’s okay though, cuz my best friend told me that when I die, there’ll be at least 1000 people at my funeral. I said, “Well, that’s a comfort at least.”
He said, “Yeah, they’ll come to make sure your dead!”
Thank you, thank you. You’ve all been swell: both of you.
Hey I’m here all week. Try the veal and don’t forget to tip your waitress!
Listen you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. Drive carefully and Go Lions!
[Special thanks to my joke-writer, Big Doug]
Willy would be 90 today. We miss you Dad!
Seems like I was just mowing the lawn and then bang! Here we are with snow on the ground and the first of two great holidays approaching. A time for all Americans to stop their labor, reflect, and shop.
I’m old enough to remember when Thanksgiving used to be, ya know, a holiday. People got the day off from work, maybe the next day too, and gathered with friends and family to celebrate the many blessings God showers on us all.
Now, all we hear is Black Friday this and Black Monday that. Normally sane-looking people camp in front of stores overnight to get the best deal on the latest crappy, must-have Christmas gift. I guess it’s really worse now, as some retail outlets are staying open 24 hours to accommodate the madness. I feel sorry for the people who have to work in those stores, separated as they are from the joys of home and family that others take for granted on this day.
Look, I’m as big a fan of free-market capitalism as you’re likely to find, but there’s no denying the inherent motive of greed and acquisitiveness at work underneath it all, which if unchecked by some sort of corresponding altruism and decency, coarsens and degrades our society.
I’m sure you know that the word “holiday” is a verbal corruption of holy day. “Holy” means sacred or set apart. Granted, Thanksgiving is a secular holy day, but that does not detract from the sacredness of its intent: to give thanks to God for all that we have, especially our lives. When we fail to set apart days for reflection and celebration, or make the ones we do observe just like the other 364, we ultimately lose some of our humanity.
So if you find yourself in a store on Thursday or Friday, give a thought to the people working there. Wish them happiness before you leave, and when you sit down to carve your bird, thank God for all that you have because we all have so much more than we deserve.
I am thankful for every one of you who faithfully stop by to read my dribblings!
God bless you and yours this holiday season!
Taylor Swift is a charming young lady, but if I hear this damn song once more, I’m going to tear the ears off seventeen bunnies and use them as tinder to burn down her house…
Ok, not really, but c’mon.
This female news anchor clearly feels the same way. Either that, or she can’t stand her partner. You be the judge:
Why is it so hard to get rid of an earworm?
Continue reading “Shake It Off”
…that civilization is DOOMED:
First Nik Wallenda and now this mope. When did the Discovery Channel decide it was better to be a 24×7 carnival freak show instead of offering interesting science documentaries?
Hell, people don’t want to learn anything anymore, they just want to watch colossal train wrecks and gawk at the carnage.
I’m sorry. I’m just bitter that Discovery turned down my proposal for Man vs. Bacon, wherein I eat a metric ton of fried bacon while dangling from a wire suspended from the roof of the Meat Packers Hall in Orland Park.
Maybe I can interest them in Human Frogger! See, I dress up in a green suit and dash across the Stevenson Expressway during rush hour. Granted, given my physical condition it’s probably a pretty short show, but hey, there’s bound to be lots of blood and stuff.
No? Well, at least I’m in there pitching!
FOB Lisa is soon to undergo cancer surgery. Please remember her and her family in your prayers.
Thanks!