Papa’s Got a New Ride

Happy New Year! I hope your holidays were pleasant and safe, and that easing back into work and the long, dreary, trudge to Easter isn’t too painful.

I should write greeting cards.

But that’s not why you called. Behold, the Papal Harley!

pope-emeritus-2013harley-davidson-flstc-heritage-softailclassic-pope-benedict-xvi-3I’m not an HD fanboy myself, but considering how inherently dangerous motorcycling can be, it probably doesn’t hurt to have a bike blessed by the Pope.

Funny. Seems a Ducati or Moto Guzzi would be more appropriate.

Oh wait…

Ducati already has an endorsement deal with the devil.

Don’t ask me which one I’d rather have.

 

 

Just Stop It!

There is a never-ending supply of stuff in the news that causes me to break out in a nasty, swelling rash, but this stands on its own. Here’s a key excerpt [emphasis mine]:

Angelina Jolie’s entire family recently stepped out on the red carpet to support their mother’s new movie, Unbroken. The couple’s oldest biological child, who was assigned female at birth, joined brothers Maddox and Pax wearing sharp suits and short haircuts.

Pitt and Jolie have been fairly open over the years about Shiloh’s interest in all things considered masculine. In an interview with Oprah in 2008, Brad Pitt discussed how Shiloh wanted to be called John.

The eight-year-old’s family fully supports their decision to self-identify — from an affinity for suits and ties to shorter hair to the name change.

In my day, such girls were called “tomboys.” It’s perfectly natural for some girls to dig the same stuff little boys do; that’s what makes ’em cool. However, when their hippy-dippy, gender-bending, draw-no-lines parents start using the child to advance a clearly anti-human (yeah, I went there) agenda, then I gotta yell.

We can have a discussion about people who have a same-sex attraction. There are lots of reasons for it and many ways to cope with it but, and let me say this very clearly, GENDER IS NOT SOMETHING ONE CAN CHOOSE.

Give the kid a a copy of Grey’s Anatomy, tell her to go to the bathroom, drop trou, and check for herself. You are a boy or you are a girl, dammit!

Playing silly games with terms like “gender-assignation” is just another signpost on society’s road to hell. We are already too comfortable with choosing who is a valid human being and who is not, as evidenced by the abortion of over 700,000 infants in 2011, and that’s only counting legal abortions—as if legality has anything to do with murder. And let’s not forget the growing euthanasia rights movement.

It’s all part of the same disease. The same one the first human being suffered from: I know better than the God who made me.

Just stop.

 

Happy Holidays from East Lansing!

200px-MSU_Seal_2010.svg[Watch the trolls come out of the woodwork on this one.]

The gentle sound of the Red Cedar rushing under the tourist ducks, MSU’s renowned carillon echoing across campus, brings a tear to my eye. It awakens fond memories of Christmas hymns wafting through the frosty air, our comforting companion as we hurried through snow covered gardens and under the ancient oaks to class.

<sigh> Yes, I’m a sentimental sap.

Here then is a Christmas Card from my beloved Alma Mater, one of the most beautiful college campuses anywhere! Oh, and it’s a damn fine school too!

So from all of Spartan Nation, Merry Christmas and Go Green!

Continue reading “Happy Holidays from East Lansing!”

Eaten Alive Update

green_anaconda_mouthRegular readers will remember my rant about Discovery Channel’s descent into the sewers of prime-time TV with their 2-hour special, Eaten Alive.

Since I couldn’t bring myself to watch, being otherwise occupied by my nightly lint- gathering forays, I consulted the all-knowing Internet after the fact instead. If you didn’t see it, you didn’t miss anything.

Seems our host, naturalist Paul Rosalie, attired in his specially designed snake-proof suit and reeking of pig blood, did manage to get the giant snake to constrict him. Then he had second thoughts as he started to die.

Predictably, the web blew-up in the aftermath heaping scorn on Discover Channel for ripping them off. Carnival audiences—excuse me—Discovery Channel audiences demand a payoff for a month and a half of hype.

One angry viewer commented on Twitter:

2 hours of my life I can’t get back and Paul didn’t even get eaten alive.

The producers, as well as the host, may rightly be castigated for failing to deliver on the premise of their special. However, one critical member of the cast is being left out of the discussion entirely: the snake.

It took some doing, but I was eventually able to land an exclusive interview with Ms. Ana Conda of Brazil… Continue reading “Eaten Alive Update”

My New Sideline

Shhh! Author at work!
Shhh! Author at work!

Being a ne’re-do-well has its disadvantages, if I’m honest. Doomed as we are to live in a world devoid of rainbows and unicorms and government cheese, one is still forced to make a living somehow.

As a result, I have learned many creative ways to get paid for doing nothing. Afterall, I gots to keep myself in scotch and Sterno now that winter’s here!

So one day, while taking a break from collecting lint from my neighbors dryer vents—

Continue reading “My New Sideline”