Look What I Found!

The other day while I was cleaning my sock drawer, I found this dusty old blog. Thought I’d take it out and see if it still worked.

Well, first it needed a new battery—ya know, one of those little, round watch batteries that look like spare change? So I go to the store, and they have fifty different kinds all with teensy little letters that I can’t read, even with my glasses. So after squinting at a few, I bought one that seemed right. It’s working now but who knows for how long.

Anyhoo, how ya doin’?

Say, didya see Bruce—I ain’t gonna call him Caitlyn—Jenner’s cover-photo for Vanity Fair?

Was a magazine ever more appropriately titled?

!!Trigger Warning!! The following contains explicit anti-transgender views. A special room with soft couch and soothing, waterfall sounds has been provided for your safety.

See, it’s girls, boys. Sorry, there’s no such thing as “cis,” except in the imagination of radical LGBT activists.

[Moderator’s Note: Please indicate agreement with Jazz Hands, disagreement with Down-twinkles so as not to cause anxiety on the part of the blogger or other audience members.]

Call me a hater if you like (you’d be wrong), but it seems very few people are willing to speak about things like this for fear of being branded a homophobe. While there are many people who have same-sex attraction for many and complicated reasons, this is something else altogether.

It’s a narcissistic effort to invert nature for the purpose of saying, “Pay attention to me! Please!”

I’m sorry for the evident turbulence afflicting MISTER Jenner’s soul, but this is what happens when we toss off as irrelevant the natural law built into our species by God, preferring our own ideas about how things “should be.” And let’s be honest, do you know anyone, yourself included, that you’d trust running the universe?

Made in the image and likeness of God, whether we like it or not, there are some things that we just can’t change no matter how far or how fast we run from them. The great struggle of life is coming to know oneself and how we relate to our Creator.

We, as lumps of clay, cannot say to the potter, “Why have you made me thus?” It is a question springing from fear and distrust. A question that assumes God has no great interest in us, or what we will become; that when it comes right down to it, He doesn’t give a happy rat’s ass about us anyway.

But thank that same God who, despite our calumnies against Him, never rejects us. Even when we go off the deep end.

Seems like a good place to sign off. The b ttery is alm st dea

Hello Kitty

crazy-cat-ladyAs a convert to the cat-loving faith, I have come to appreciate the many-faceted and wholly fascinating qualities of felis catus. Domestic cats are tremendously adaptable and expertly manipulative creatures who can simultaneously infuriate and soothe the human soul.

But damn. There’s a limit, no?

I don’t know what the deal is with Japan, but it seems they have yet another island completely overrun by small, furry critters.

Continue reading “Hello Kitty”

So, this is a thing.

"I'm so hip, I have trouble seeing over my pelvis."  ~Zaphod Beeblebrox
“I’m so hip, I have trouble seeing over my pelvis.”
~Zaphod Beeblebrox

Speaking of pilgrimages, apparently the type of people who wear porkpie hats, drink artisinal beer, and only listen to obscure music exclusively on vinyl or reel-to-reel, have made the Portland International Airport (PDX) somewhat of a hipster mecca…in an ironic way of course.


Because the northwest corner of the US is home to high-tech, free-thinkers, and the world’s largest private bookstore with Portland as its epicenter?

Um, no.

It’s because of the carpet. Verily, I doth shit thee nary a whit.

Continue reading “So, this is a thing.”

I Would Have Blogged…

Recently deceased
Recently deceased

…but I died.

Well, at least the game was good.

The halftime show was incomprehensible and scary to this old-timer.

And the ads? They were generally abysmal, but the entire nation let out a simultaneous “WTF?” when the Nationwide dead kid ad aired.

Nationwide, doubling down on its utter tone-deafness, replied thusly to all us ignorant, apathetic, unfeeling slobs who just wanted to enjoy the last football game of the season:

We knew the ad would spur a variety of reactions. In fact, thousands of people visited MakeSafeHappen.com, a new website to help educate parents and caregivers with information and resources in an effort to make their homes safer and avoid a potential injury or death. Nationwide has been working with experts for more than 60 years to make homes safer. While some did not care for the ad, we hope it served to begin a dialogue to make safe happen for children everywhere.

If I’m that kid, when I go to school today I’m telling my teacher, “No, I didn’t get my book report done…cuz I died.”

Odds & Ends

oddsends[UPDATE: I am reliably informed that my rant about OSU’s hats and t-shirts should more appropriately be directed toward the CFP people and Nike. Nevertheless, it’s still fun to bust on Urban whenever and wherever possible.]

First off, congratulations to Ohio State University on winning the College Football National Championship. Great season, inspired play, hurray for the B1G, and all that.

But…[oh well, haters gotta hate]

What’s the deal with the hats and t-shirts? “Undisputed National Champions?”

Really? Are you afraid someone might call your championship into question? What’s up Urban? Feeling insecure?

To paraphrase Denzel Washington, “Nuts gotta be nuts.”

In other news…

Pope Francis I declared 2015 to be the Year of Consecrated Life in order to draw the Church’s attention to those who serve God as consecrated religious, and to pray for vocations to the religious life. It coincides with the 50th anniversary of Perfectae Caritatis, a decree on religious life.

Continue reading “Odds & Ends”

Papa’s Got a New Ride

Happy New Year! I hope your holidays were pleasant and safe, and that easing back into work and the long, dreary, trudge to Easter isn’t too painful.

I should write greeting cards.

But that’s not why you called. Behold, the Papal Harley!

pope-emeritus-2013harley-davidson-flstc-heritage-softailclassic-pope-benedict-xvi-3I’m not an HD fanboy myself, but considering how inherently dangerous motorcycling can be, it probably doesn’t hurt to have a bike blessed by the Pope.

Funny. Seems a Ducati or Moto Guzzi would be more appropriate.

Oh wait…

Ducati already has an endorsement deal with the devil.

Don’t ask me which one I’d rather have.